Sky Mall WTF

skymall: air force thunderbird edition

Joe — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 15:39:42 +0000

At about the 4 minute mark, Stephen Colbert leafs through Skymall. Moments later he vomits, partly because of the g-forces, and primarily from thinking about skymall.

Click here for video.

so if you like starin’ at balls

Joe — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 01:03:13 +0000

Here’s a 90 dollar way to at least add one more to your staring itinerary.

It changes color while you GAZE! Amazing. It’s awesome how they assume there is active gazing going on when one buys one of these. But ya, know, if you do like starin at 90 dollar junk balls that sparkle and change colors, throw 1 or 2 of these on yer mastercard. Hell max that sucker out and get a lifetime of ball starin’ in when your eyes are in prime ball gazing shape and your credit’s good.

the preserve your memories photograph converter

Joe — Mon, 25 May 2009 22:20:13 +0000

It’s a good thing this giant waste of time, space, and money costs 120 bucks. Seriously. Why buy a scanner for about 50 bucks or so brand new when you can only do the same thing and more with a scanner, and the product won’t go on and on about all the bullshit technology inside like anyone knows or cares what it actually means.

Skymall reminds you, the way you determine whether you need to buy this is by first remembering if you already have a bunch of crap you’ve bought and never opened or used once and forgotten about. If that sounds like you, buy this since you clearly have a lot of liquid cash you like to dump on crap no one should ever own. You’re Skymall’s target demographic. You’re what’s known as the chump demographic. Oh and make sure to buy the 6 extra trays. Hell buy 2. It’s all about living beyond your means. Hell yer on a plane but you have to SHOP SHOP SHOP.

Too bad the trays aren’t money sized so one could feasably scan their cash before that becomes only a memory.

get diddles and doodys in your house for only 149 DOLLARS!

Joe — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 01:46:11 +0000

Who cares how easily liquid drains through the antimicrobial porous artificial turf?! It makes some sense to try to avoid abandoning your pets or collecting a plastic trough full of waste in the house. But hey, for 149 bucks, it must be amazing. People can now use their organically scented garbage to keep their decorative, yappy animals from interrupting from trotting into their too-important-to-take-the-dog-out lives.

And really, who wants to heave a vessel of #1s, and potentially 2s or 3s, into wherever you empty that thing. Hell, maybe you just throw it over the penthouse balcony, you schmucks.

Don’t forget to buy a $65 dollar backup mat or two, tools.

some like it hot

Joe — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 00:45:24 +0000

Fast and hot. We want it fast, we want it hot, and we want it now. How better to do that than to have a tiny microwave you can carry with it’s own handle. Hell you can even adapt that crap to work in your car to make more jalepeño poppers or easy macs than your fat, too much money-not-enough-patience-having-ass can handle.

This is the theme here. We have money, We have time. We have no self-constraint.

After you’re asked to turn off all electronics and portable devices, you’re left with chit-chat, the book you brought, or Skymall.

WTF?!

Who buys this garbage? How are they in business? Why in the world would anyone want, or need half of the crap in there?

Surely, these questions will only be answered in rapture. Skymall, it seems to be a sign of it’s impending threat. We are so entrenched in consumption that even as we ascend to 30,000 feet, we need to shop apparently. While the idea that terrorists “hate us for our freedom” has been raised, it is suspect. And if they don’t hate us for that, I could see how they could.

It’s to a point now where we apparently need stairs for the dog to access the bed. We need a chair to hang off our truck. We absolutely, need to do a doorway puppet show and we have to do it now.

Please come back to see how Skymall is enlightening us with the products that bring convenience, extravagance, and absurdity to what once was our simple lives.